As an educator, you like to see children play, because you know that it is good for their development. But… some children do not play, not as much or in a very different way. Then you stimulate play by buying other/extra toys, play together, you steer the child towards a certain kind of play, you name it. As long as it plays! The voluntary nature of play then threatens to be pushed into the background. The conviction of how play ‘should’ be, comes more and more to the foreground. Yet it may be necessary to stimulate play. But where do you start?
Observe and investigate
It is important to know that play depends on the circumstances and (physical) capabilities of a child.
Look at the child. Does he really not play or does he? Most children play, however limited sometimes. If you look carefully, you can usually find an activity that the child likes, that makes him feel good and that he chooses.
Once you have found that, look at the moments when he does that activity. Is there a pattern to be discovered? A particular mood? Does he play alone or does he want to play together?
You may discover that your image of ‘this child does not play’ is more nuanced. It may be that the child plays differently to what you have in mind. Perhaps this child only comes to play at certain moments. For example, when he is alone in his room or when it is quiet in class. Then you will not notice much of his play and it will seem as if he is not playing. In short, observe and investigate whether your idea about the child’s play behaviour is correct.
Starting point is the safe place within play
If it appears that a child does play, pay attention to what kind of play he is playing. Is it mainly computer play, role play, fantasy play, drawing, or does he repeat certain activities? Perhaps he likes to do ‘feeling things’ such as clay or playing with mud. There are children who like to build with blocks and lego and do little else.
By looking at a child’s play, you will discover what suits him. Look at what is already there. However limited that may be, that is your starting point. That safe place within play for this child.
Connecting with the child
Connect to what a child is playing and expand this slowly and carefully. For one child this means first playing together and step by step developing more independence. For the other child, it means that you immerse yourself in that ‘dreadful’ computer shooting game, join in and discover what is so great about that game.
Add and expand
Try to empathise with the child, find out what attracts him to a game. Is it playing together, the shooting, the movement, the feeling, the repetition, the creation, the story, the theme? If you know this, you can think of things that fit in with this, find variations and offer and expand these little by little. You can be very creative here!
Follow
Follow; go along with what the child wants, participate in his (limited) game. Sit next to him and imitate him if playing together is not possible. Let the child lead the game.
Look at your own norms and values; what do you expect from (the play) of a child? How do you think it should be and what do you want? How did you play in the past? Do you unconsciously put your stamp on a child?
Accept
Accept the way and pace of play. Every child has its own preference and its own pace of development. Be aware that the development of play depends on the child’s abilities and environmental factors. Imaginative play develops from the age of 2 ½, but does not blossom in other children until the age of 6, and not at all in others. Accepting things as they are creates space for other, more positive things. There are children who do not like drawing or other creative activities. If you are an enthusiastic craftsperson, it may be hard to accept because you cannot share. For a tough dad, it might be hard to know that his son doesn’t like rough-and-tumble games.
In short, if you want your child to play more or differently, you need to invest time in it. Look for his possibilities and try to expand this step by step in a creative way. You can do this yourself, but also together with the parents. Also, examine your own values and norms about play. It may well be that these influence the child’s play. Or look together with parents at their norms and values and how they project this onto their child.
Children who really don’t play
There are children who really do not play. Then there is something else going on. This can be due to anything, from intrinsic causes in the child to the circumstances in which he lives. Children who are depressed or traumatised, for example, play differently or not at all. A developmental disorder can also be a cause of limited play. And, of course, there are the circumstances and possibilities that the child faces. In such cases, it is a good idea to seek professional help (if this is not already provided). Play therapy or play guidance is then an option and contributes to a healthy (play) development.
